Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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