if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
