lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
