you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
