I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
