i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
