Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
