My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
smell my finger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Less talking, more tequila
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
