At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
