The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
