WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
