I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
