my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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