What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
