I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
