i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
