i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
