I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
