Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
