I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she told me i tasted like america
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
