apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
