she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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