She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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