I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
