Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
