Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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