What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
