The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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