careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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