what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
