What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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