Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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