Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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