what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
