Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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