2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm always down for nudity.
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