The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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