yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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