Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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