I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
