he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
