my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
