Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize