it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just gift wrapped bread.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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