What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
