Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
