I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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