She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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