It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
