Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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